Your wedding day can be one of the happiest times of your life, and when you do choose to make that kind of commitment to someone, the idea that your relationship may end is likely to be the furthest thing from your mind. While there will be many fantastic experiences you will share as a married couple, all relationships go through rough patches that can put your love to the test. When this happens, you might start to grow concerned about the longevity of your marriage and whether or not continuing to stay together is the right thing to do. This can be very difficult for each person involved, and so if you are finding yourself in a position that is making you question your future with your spouse, here are some important things to consider to help you come to the right solution for your relationship.
Can Communication Be Improved?
You might feel as though you know your partner so well that you can tell what they’re thinking, but no one is a mind reader. A common issue in a lot of marriages and relationships is the breakdown of communication and not being honest with your partner about your feelings and concerns. If you want to continue to work well as a team, you do need to have those lines of communication functioning so that you can find solutions together and support one another.
It isn’t always easy being honest with people about how you’re feeling, particularly if you are worried about upsetting them or not getting the reaction that you want. However, although this is understandable, it is important to take that chance so that you can make it clear what your needs are in the relationship and move forward. Staying quiet can risk building resentment between you and your partner, so it is better to put your cards on the table when you are bothered by something. When you do have these discussions, do your best to stay calm and take a more diplomatic approach when it comes to getting your point across. You should also listen to what they have to say and take on board any issues that they might have that you hadn’t picked up on before. This can help to create a more mature environment and, hopefully, avoid anyone feeling attacked or criticized, which could make them feel defensive and upset.
If you would like to feel more confident in speaking to your partner and build on your communication skills with them, look here for further tips and advice.
Do You Know What Your Needs Are?
Another thing to consider when you are going through a tough time with your spouse is whether or not you fully understand what your needs are in the relationship. It’s not unusual for people to put their needs aside for the sake of the ones they love, and while this can be a kind thing to do in some circumstances, it can also set a negative precedent if you’re not careful. If your spouse begins to get used to their needs being the center of attention, it can be difficult to break out of that habit later on, and this will be a detriment to you in the long term. Relationships are a two-way street, so it is important to think about your needs and whether or not they are being met.
However, if you haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about what you want out of this relationship and what your needs are as an individual, it can be hard to communicate this to your spouse. This is why if you are going through a rough patch in your marriage, you may want to take some time to figure out what it is that you want for yourself, both as an individual and in terms of your marriage. When you have identified what your needs are, you can then express this more coherently to your spouse and let them know how they can meet them. It could also help you figure out if you and your spouse are still compatible in this relationship or whether or not both of your needs and goals have changed since you got married.
Could Couples Counselling Help?
If you are still struggling to communicate effectively with one another, or you think other issues are going on that need addressing in a safe space, you might want to consider couples counseling. You might find that talking to friends or trusted relatives can help you feel comforted in many ways, but speaking to someone unbiased with no emotional connection to you both as a couple could be a lot more insightful. It will provide a neutral space for you both to work out your issues together, and having someone act as a mediator can allow you each to express your concerns and help the other person listen. They might also be able to offer you different perspectives on your relationship and can recommend things to try at home that could benefit your marriage and bring your closer to your spouse again.
You could even explore the option of having private counseling sessions if you think talking about some issues without the presence of your spouse could help. This could be something that you choose to do before you begin couples counseling or after, and may offer some further benefit for your well-being, too.
Is There Still Trust In The Relationship?
Trust is part of the strong foundation of any relationship, but many things can break that trust between you and your partner. It might be due to infidelity, deception over financial matters, or other important issues that have left you feeling betrayed and disrespected by your other spouse. Broken trust can be fixed over time, but this will take a lot of hard work on both sides to help your relationship heal. Again, counseling could benefit you with this, but if you have been trying to rebuild the trust in your relationship and these efforts don’t appear to be working, it is time to think about whether you want to stay or go. If you can’t trust your partner, or they can no longer trust you, it can become a toxic presence in your relationship and leave you both feeling unhappy. If you can’t fix this, then it might be time to go your separate ways so that you can find security and comfort with a different partner and have a healthier relationship.
Choosing To Leave
If you feel as though you have tried everything that you are willing to do to save your marriage, but some problems cannot be resolved, you might have decided to leave your spouse. A trial separation can work in some cases, and it could even offer you both the space to think about whether getting a divorce is the right thing to do. Some distance might even make you realize how much you do want to be in this marriage and give you the resolve to keep working on your relationship. This isn’t always the case, however, and if you have decided that a divorce is what is best for you, it’s time to start thinking about taking those next steps. You will need to find a suitable attorney to help you start divorce proceedings, and they will be able to advise you on the best course of action. You can find more tips on preparing for divorce from this divorce attorney in Woodland Hills, CA.
If you share children with your spouse, you’ll also need to consider their needs and how the dissolution of your marriage will impact them. Where possible, try to be civil with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse and help your children feel more secure. Spend time with them and allow them to talk to you about how this is making them feel, and remind them that they are loved.
Focusing On Self-care
Whether you are choosing to continue to work through your marital issues or have come to the conclusion that a divorce is for the best, it will be a stressful and emotional journey for you. Although you might be occupied with these problems, do make sure you are practicing good self-care and showing yourself some compassion. Taking care of yourself in this way can make it easier, if only slightly, to navigate your way through this tumultuous time in your life. Spend time with friends and family, and find positive activities that help you to relax and take your mind off of your relationship difficulties. Regular exercise can also help to boost your mood, as can regular sleep and a balanced diet.
No one said that marriage was easy, and all relationships will face challenges that require couples to work on things together. While it is important to try and find a way to resolve the issues in your marriage if it is safe and healthy to do so, it’s also OK to accept that it might be better for you to move forward with your life without your spouse. It can take time to figure out which option is best for you and your partner, but if you are going through this in your marriage at the moment, think about the points above and see if they can help you to find the best solution for a happier life.